Slimming Down the Summer Olympics

The Summer Olympics began this past weekend, much to the delight of many who do not live in the United Kingdom (by all accounts, Britons are largely holding their breath for the next two weeks before the Games end).  The Opening Ceremonies, a complex web of British cultural stages, recognizable English (oops I meant British) figures, and a weird collection of dancing industrial tycoons, might not have been the easiest ceremony to watch on TV but the lovable British characters certainly made the ceremonies more culturally relevant than years past.

Thus began the two week period of the Olympics, a fun, exciting prospect where watching TV, and therefore sports, becomes immediately acceptable for anyone.  Imagine your close friends, and I guarantee at least one of them goes nuts for the Olympics but can’t be persuaded to watch any mainstream sport during the rest of the two years.  The tradition creates a buzz of cultural excitement, watching the best in the world compete in a series of unique sports that we as society don’t really acknowledge much of the time.  But, that again makes the Olympics so special.  For some sports, the Olympics represent the pinnacle, the top event, the ultimate prize.  The anguish on Jordyn Weiber’s face on Sunday said it all…you could be a World Champion, but for some sports and their athletes the Olympics mean everything.

And yet, each year I peruse the list of Olympic sports and think “How in the hell do they come up with this list of events?”  Some of these sports haven’t been played in front of others since silent films.  With 15 sports, the Winter Olympics provides a more limited menu for TV viewers.  I mean, how much biathlon can one really watch?  The Summer Olympics, with 26 sports in London this year, work perfectly for the American culture in general.  A low attention span actually helps you, because when NBC might be showing another of the 30,000 swimming heats, you can watch the gold medal competition in archery on NBC Sports or table tennis on Bravo.

 

To be an Olympic sport, the definitions are a little strange.  For one, the sport must be ruled by a recognized international sports federation.  The International Swimming Federation or the International Skating Union is a good example.  And yes, that means ultimate Frisbee technically would be a sport to the IOC.  But after that, the IOC must determine if a sport is prevalent enough to deserve its own events and medals in the competition.  Generally speaking, the number of countries and continents who compete in said sport goes a long way towards recognition by the IOC. (This paragraph applies to the Summer Olympics; in most cases the winter sports have many lower qualifications since fewer countries compete.)

I disagree with this definition, since so many hobbies have their own governing bodies that fairly soon we will see shuffleboard as an Olympic sport.  While the IOC has announced caps to how many sports they want to include, some current “sports” should not qualify based on most common sense rules.  I will demonstrate:

  1. An Olympic sport must have some traditional value (i.e. be included for so long as part of the Games that eliminating it would cause an uproar)

               2. An Olympic sport must require large feats of athleticism, strength, endurance, or other similar physical exertions to be classed a sport everywhere else in the world

        3. For a sport to be part of the Olympics, the Olympics must represent the top international competition of the sport and be treated as such by its athletes

Those are the Dibbles rules for the Summer Olympics so I’ll now pare down the sporting list to eradicate any dead weight.  Some will be full of vitriol, but why else are you reading?

Beach Volleyball

You go to the beach, and generally everyone creates a makeshift volleyball court and the game begins.  Friends displaying their large lack of ups always entertains, and volleyball at the beach for some reason always makes sense as a pastime and distraction from the sun’s rays.

Which makes it a hobby, not a sport.  I am not questioning the athleticism of beach volleyball.  It doesn’t take a kinesiology student to know jumping above the net would be more difficult on sand.  But Skoosh also requires hand-eye coordination and some athleticism, as does four-square, both of which every one of us has played on the beach at least once.  Should those be sports?  Or what about surfing?  That’s a very physically demanding hobby.  While that would be predicated on waves, crafting a wave pool looks no less ridiculous than erecting a sand court at Horse Guards Parade in London (a stately, beautiful building that hasn’t seen sand since Oliver Cormwell’s boots).

I’m fairly certain most people in the world would not classify beach volleyball as a sport and the ones that would either live near the beach or like the skimpy outfits.  Seriously, let’s add Skoosh and four-square, or maybe sharks and minnows.  You and I could create a governing federation for sharks and minnows and be golden for the 2020 Games.

Table Tennis

While the hand-eye coordination for ping-pong certainly requires a crazy reaction time, that’s about as much athleticism as these competitors need.  At one point, I played every day with my dad for about 30 minutes in our basement, and while we certainly broke a sweat after all that time the exertion really wasn’t enough to make me tell the college counselors I play table tennis when they asked “Do you play sports?”

Run on sentences aside, this competition makes for fun viewing but remains a questionable “sport.”  While I’m sure people put lots of time into ping-pong (most folks know somebody who was ranked as a kid once), people also puts lots of time into chess, which is owned by a governing body and played around the world.  That’s mental athleticism right?

On a different note, the IOC should look at table tennis again as a sport by its own definitions.  After the 2008 Olympics, baseball and softball left the ranks of Olympic sports ostensibly due to the relatively insular number of participating nations.  Another clarification was the dominance by North American and Asian teams in medal rounds.

Well, of 72 medalists in table tennis in its Olympic history, 12 have not come from Asian countries.  That’s 16%, and all of those twelve were European.  So, I think there’s room for some contraction, eliminating ping-pong as an Olympic sport.

Synchronized Swimming

Could go on for a while, but I’ll say this: put waterproof makeup on a few strumpets, tell them to swim in concentric circles, and finally direct them to lift a few folks up at key moments…and you have synchronized swimming.

Of course, swimming in any capacity represents a high degree of physical fitness, but this “sport” is a joke.  While I’m not convinced it has that worldwide a following, synchronized swimming is more artistic than athletic.  The swimmers create beautiful shapes and figures with their bodies, but most other artistic Olympic sports are also very athletic in nature (e.g. figure skating).

When eliminating baseball, the IOC president said baseball had to “win hearts” to be included in the Olympics.  I’d love to see a heart won by synchronized swimming.

Air Pistol

Once I realized the instrument for this event looks like a cross between a blowdart and the Nintendo Duck Hunt gun I figured it should be included on this list as a prime candidate for Olympic red pens.

Equestrian Dressage

While dressage might be the classiest event, it doesn’t appear to require too much athleticism.  But, dressage has been part of the Olympics since 1912, so I’m reluctant to eradicate it on athletic grounds.

But this might be the most boring Olympic event out there.  The rules are complex, there’s very little suspense, and the horse doesn’t even jump.  I lasted about two minutes watching this before switching to table tennis.  You have to be a true horse lover to appreciate dressage as a “sport” and while I’m sure riders battle hard to win dressage medals, I’m not convinced it’s a sport.

Golf and Tennis

I am invoking Rule 3 for the first time on this list for what are two of my most favorite individual sports.  The Olympics will never be the pinnacle of international competition for either golf or tennis stars.

Both sports follow a similar model of play during their respective seasons: four major tournaments that approach larger than life status not only in the culture of each sport but also in the eyes of viewers.  As an example, consider the attention ESPN pays to tennis or golf when not at one of the majors.  Unless Tiger Woods plays, it’s really not that much.

Most importantly, both sports are fully international.  Each regular season event takes on the same characteristics as an Olympic event.  Over 100 multinational competitors vying for one title and the winner’s purse.  Take out the money, and you have the Olympics.

Golf will be included in 2016 for the first time, but the example of tennis shows the Olympics likely will not be the best golfing venue.  While many follow Olympic tennis, the excitement and tradition of Wimbledon or the U.S. Open remains markedly absent.  It has also been true that the biggest tennis names have skipped the Olympics (Agassi and Sampras come to mind).  The same will be true for golf, unless both sports integrate a team competition.  While tennis seems fairly pleased with the international Davis Cup competition, golfers historically have problems with the Ryder and President’s Cups, the premier team international competitions where golfers represent only their countries of origin and not themselves.  That avenue would certainly make the Olympics a unique golfing venue.

Many of you are asking why soccer isn’t on this list, since its top international competition is definitely not the Olympics.  My response: soccer allows only under-23 players at the Olympics along with a set amount of older players per team.  That makes the game much different demographically, so the real question should be whether the Olympics or the U-23 World Cup are more important.  I don’t know enough to answer.  I can say, however, that tennis has been a huge disappointment from an Olympic standpoint and I assume golf will be as well.

That’s my list.  Contract those events and the whole Games will streamline.  Overall, however, the Olympics remain the best exhibition of sports in the world.  For two weeks, everyone watches sports and cares about them.  The Olympics blends patriotism with uniqueness to provide that kind of arena unmatched at any other point.  Sure, you may not know who anything about the American gymnasts, but you sure will cheer for them.  Should be a great two weeks.

Bit #1: Hope Solo’s Stupidity

I unabashedly like Hope Solo.  She plays well and brings a fiery competitiveness to the pitch that deserves some recognition.  She’s also backstopped a remarkably successful U.S. Women’s team, the predominant favorites at the Olympics this month.

But, she looks childish when she takes on a former great.  After the 3-0 win over Colombia, Hope Solo took to Twitter to chastise NBC soccer analyst Brandi Chastain for her commentary.  Solo’s Tweet read: “Its 2 bad we cant have commentators who better represents the team&knows more about the game @brandichastain! #fb” as well as    “Lay off commentating about defending and gking until you get more educated @brandichastain the game has changed from a decade ago. #fb”

First thing’s first…Solo can certainly question the judgment of Chastain.  Kobe Bryant has done so with Magic Johnson many times over the years.  She’s a competitor, so there’s no real blame for giving some pushback.

But, to tell Brandi Chastain, one of the biggest architects of women’s soccer in the world, that she’s out of touch with the game reeks of puerile instability.  Chastain’s penalty goal gave the U.S. a World Cup win, and her dominance along with Mia Hamm created any popularity women’s soccer might have enjoyed.  She deserves Solo’s respect and deference, not a disparaging Tweet.  Especially when you listen a little more to Chastain’s commentary, I shudder to think what Solo does when truly criticized.  It’s time to grow up and understand this: much of the current women’s team owes their place in American sports culture to women like Brandi Chastain.

Bit #2: NHL Free Agency finishing

The Predators made one of their best organizational decisions this week, matching the gargantuan offer to defenseman Shea Weber from the Philadelphia Flyers.  As I said in my last post, Weber represents the rising force among NHL defensemen.  GM David Polie made a fantastic decision to keep Weber, a man often unsure of his devotion to Nashville and vice versa.

For Alexander Semin, the former Cap who frustrated more than dazzled, he signed a deal with the division rival Carolina Hurricanes.  While I wonder about playing him six times a year, Semin received only a one year deal from Carolina.  Clearly, the league doubts his ability to play under a long-term deal, some comfort to the Caps after giving him longer deal over the past 7 years.

As for the Caps and their movements, their decision to re-sign Mike Green but trade Dennis Wideman makes very little sense.  Green did not play very much this past year and has looked very pedestrian for the past two seasons.  Wideman, on the other hand, came over from Boston and made an immediate impact.  He contributed on the power play as well, filling a crucial role for the Caps not seen since the days of Sergei Gonchar.  Such moves worry me, as defense will likely still be a problem for the Caps when they come back in October.

Bit #3: Will Zach Greinke work in LA?

The Angels made a big trade this past week, trading for Milwaukee pitcher and perennial stalwart Zach Greinke.  Greinke, a 9-win pitcher at the time of the trade, has won a Cy Young award and pitched great for the last few years.  Typically, pitchers like him would be playing in New York or Boston.

But Greinke has admitted his own queasiness with big markets, preferring to stay in smaller markets and out of the fishbowl.  While the Angels are more of a smaller market team near a big city, the Los Angeles element cannot go unaccounted.  The Angels can smell the Rangers in the AL West and will definitely be there for one of the wild card spots as well, so Greinke would help immensely if on his game.  I predict, though, that the Angels will not see many results from Greinke.

Wild and Wacky: The Open Championship

One of the more searing memories of my young life was the monumental collapse by Frenchman Jean Van de Velde on the 18^th hole at Carnoustie in 1999.  With a three shot lead heading into the final hole, Van de Velde (the only French golfer of any worldwide significance then and now) broke out his 20-handicap act, banging around the 18^th with seemingly little care for his swings, shot selection, or accuracy.  The man made a12 footer for triple bogey to force a playoff, when he stood 20 minutes beforehand with one hand proverbially on the Claret Jug.  The resulting playoff resulted in a win by Paul Lawrie, a relatively unknown Scot.

Fast forward to yesterday…Adam Scott’s heartrending collapse, bogeying the last four holes to lose The Open Championship to Ernie Else.  And yet, the last hour and a half of The Open Championship from Royal Lytham & St. Anne’s reminded me of a few things, some specific to golf and one more general to sports:

It’s hard to win majors.

Just no better way to say this…Adam Scott played the best of anybody all week but wilted in the face of pressure.  Except for his tee shot into a fairway bunker on 18, Scott placed himself in the fairways or darn close on 15, 16, and 17, but could not dial himself in to hit quality iron shots when he needed them.  One par on that stretch likely seals the deal for him, and his best chance for par lipped out on 16, an ominous sign for his chances. 

Those kinds of mistakes are truly mental.  Given his play for the entire week, there’s no reason for Scott to hit a ball into the long grass on 15 or into the greenside bunker on 17.  He made four bogeys in 68 holes before reaching the 15^th tee.  Pressure anyone?  I’d say so.

And yes, the recent spate of first-time major winners proves that winning one of these is difficult, but winning multiple deserves some recognition as a sporting achievement.  The PGA Tour is as equitable and competitive now as it ever has been.  The ability for two 42-year olds to win The Open in back to back years proves anyone can win a tournament on any given day.  Els didn’t even qualify for The Masters this year and had evaporated from the competitive map last year.

 The European Tour has its own talent

Perhaps the best aspect of The Open besides its unique courses and requisite style of play is the large amount of European talent seen by American audiences.  How many of you even knew Thorbjorn was a real name anywhere in the world before this week?  But it extends beyond naming conventions to talent.  The aforementioned Paul Lawrie rarely plays in the United States, similar to the Frenchman Van de Velde.  Ten European Tour players finished in the top twenty-five this week, with someone like Nicholas Colsearts from Beligum sandwiching awful rounds with two brilliant 65s.  Or Miguel Angel Jimenez, a perennial major leaderboard wallflower.  Simon Dyson and Peter Hanson both have been towards the top of major leaderboards in the past year, with Hanson leading The Masters going into Sunday.

Golf has truly become a worldwide game but, even more importantly, many players from unconventional worldwide circuits can make runs at major PGA tournaments.  The Open represents arguably the deepest worldwide field of any tournament, since qualification from both the PGA and European tours reduces how many bottom dwellers can play, unlike the US Open with its many club professionals and other qualifiers.  It seems that with each passing year there’s some name on The Open leaderboard that most of golf has never seen or heard.

Tiger will never be “back”

His game clearly is improving this year.  He’s won three times on Tour, the most of any player, and has done so in fine fashion.  While he will never attain the previous dominance he once enjoyed, winning majors by the boatload and viscerally gashing championship golf courses, Tiger Woods has changed his game.

What I mean is his inability to play aggressively on the weekends.  At each of the last two majors he has come in with a game plan, a precision-based strategy designed to pinpoint weakness in courses and exploit them.  And, in each of the last two majors, he’s played very well on Thursday and Friday, entering both weekends in contention before fading fast.  While his lack of execution could be faulted, Woods refused to hit driver yesterday, in sharp contrast to Els and Scott who bombed deep drives well into Sunday afternoon.  Back in the day, Woods would keep his foot on the gas going down the stretch, and that did not include leaving 230+ yards after hitting an iron off the tee, which he did on 15 yesterday.

The man with the killer instinct is gone and, for my money, will be gone until he begins to play more aggressively.  I bet Tiger wins at least two more majors, probably either The Masters or the PGA Championship, because his ability to drive the ball into the short grass and modest rough can carry any player in those two tournaments.  But on the courses of either Open, with thick rough and/or fescue lining fairways, bad driving will cost any player a few strokes.  So, the Tiger hype will continue, but his play yesterday does not bode well for a return to dominant status.

Sports remains unscripted

Ernie Els brings little to the table as far as emotional response.  He’s quiet, easygoing, and kind of funny looking, a marked difference to his close friend Adam Scott who he vanquished yesterday. 

But Els had a long road over the last ten years.  In 2004, he finished in the top five of all four majors without winning, and only won three tournaments since his Open championship at Muirfield in 2002.  Most importantly, his son Ben was diagnosed with autism in 2006, leading to a paradigm shift for the Big Easy’s efforts.  He devoted more time and money to “Els for Autism,” his organization to research the causes, symptoms, and possible cures of autism.  While doing that, his golf game suffered.  Els added tournaments to his schedule in an ultimately futile effort to qualify for The Masters this past year, a situation that garnered some attention on the golfing stage.  Entering this week, Els had played at one tournament in a month and received 45-1 odds of winning the richest championship in the world.

While money bets he won’t win a major again, Els continues to persevere and prove the golf world he can play very well at points and seems to be rediscovering his game.  At one point, Els made an eagle putt to tie for second at the U.S. Open, before fading over the next three holes.  While the script could not be believed on Sunday, his play has picked up noticeably in the last six months and, for once, seeing an old face hoisting a trophy gives a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction to us as golf fans.

Bit #1: Penn State damned to years in the dark

As I wrote this post the NCAA announced its penalties of Penn State in strange fashion.  First, the NCAA did no investigative work of its own, using the Freeh Report as a de facto investigation, a unique occurrence given how long the governing body of college sports usually takes to hand down sanctions.  Of even more import, however, was the decision by the executive committee to give Mark Emmert powers to punish Penn State through “nontraditional means.”

Again, I get their rationale, but the NCAA punishing criminal actions on behalf of the football program sets an eerie precedent.  Should a player get arrested in a criminal act, the NCAA can now punish the program using this precedent even if nothing occurred on the field.  I view that as a gross overstepping by a body whose members are largely public institutions.  Roger Goodell can create such penalties in a private business, but the NCAA’s authority looks more dubious.

That said, the message should be received by this point.  Penn State will play without 20 scholarships for four years while not being able to reach any postseason games.  Considering the yearly pedestal the Big Ten sits on with championship voters, these penalties could easily cripple the program for years.  I applaud Emmert for providing sanctions harsh enough to keep the program alive while forcing the athletic department to pay $60 million to endowments for survivors of sexual abuse. (I will say, however, that vacating wins looks overly punitive in this regard since nothing on the field was affected by this case.  Those players won the games they played and while the record book says differently, millions of in person attendees can confirm it happened.  Worst and least effective penalty the NCAA has).

I bet Penn State does not approach Top 25 status for 7 years.

Bit #2: Jeremy Lin vs. New York

I’ve received a few requests for something on Jeremy Lin and have been reluctant since fault lies equally on both sides.  Lin admitted last year he was at 85% and allegedly refused to play in the playoffs, an astounding revelation until you realize his turnover ratio likely would have doomed the Knicks to Miami’s offense anyway.

But, the Knicks made it clear they would match any offer to retain Lin as recently as a month ago.  The problem that’s arisen since, however, looks clearly to be originating with New York star (and ball hog) Carmel Anthony.  He began comments from the Knicks locker room about Lin’s personality, unwillingness to play, and inability to relate well with lots of other players.  While teams always have potential personality conflicts, Melo did not say a word about this when the Knicks rolled last season during Linsanity.  He remains a truly gifted player but also looks to be an awful teammate, a guy who refuses to take a secondary role or even share a spotlight.

Overall, the Knicks did not conduct themselves properly in this case.  Stories of Knicks representatives avoiding those from the Rockets at the Summer League (offer sheets must be physically delivered) and owner James Dolan’s vendetta against Lin added to the intrigue.  Couple those with the soundbytes from his own teammates, and the Knicks look thoroughly vindictive towards Lin, even though the team was not good enough to progress much further in the playoffs last year.  Throwing a teammate under the bus, especially a rags-to-riches story like Lin, looks, feels, and smells classless.  The Knicks will likely have a mediocre season this year, as Anthony and Stoudemire will either not click or miss too many games combined to matter.  Lin provided some noticeable excitement in the Garden last year, but that will disappear now that he’s exercised his right to look elsewhere for work.

Bit #3: Lions Finally Take Action

The Detroit Lions experienced a fusillade of arrests this offseason, from DUIs to assaults.  It seemed at times like Jim Schwarz lost the ears of the guys in the room or perhaps had pushed a brand of toughness too aggressively for anyone to follow off the field.

Thankfully, on Monday, the Lions took action.  After Aaron Berry, a third year cornerback was arrested for assault on Saturday night, his second arrest in a month, the Lions peremptorily released him, finally stressing consequences for inappropriate off-field behavior.  While I feel somewhat sorry for Berry, his attitude clearly created this second arrest, a fact made doubly more incomprehensible considering the media attention lavished on the Lions this offseason for conduct unbecoming.  These players should know sports by now…celebrities complain about their lives being overly scrutinized but given how many diehard sports fans, bloggers, and networks exist, sports players cannot mess up without someone reporting it to the public.

The Lions could easily be a playoff team this year depending on the outlook of the NFC North, but the immaturity of the field needed to be stopped.  Sure, Berry does not represent a must-have player for this roster, but his quick departure sends the proper message to his former teammates: “step over this line and we will have no problem letting you go.”

Bit #4: Shea Weber Offer Sheet Perplexes

I’ve mentioned this kind of thing before, but the large 14-year offer sheet signed by defenseman Shea Weber with the Philadelphia Flyers truly puts in perspective why an NHL lockout might be needed for the owners, especially those of Philly.

Ilya Bryzgalov, Mike Richards, Jeff Carter, and Chris Pronger all received similar long-term, massively expensive deals from Flyer GM Paul Holmgren, only to see their production slip and injuries ravage their talent.  For Weber, the hard-shooting defenseman from the Nashville Predators, the new deal keeps him under contract until he’s 100 years old in hockey terms, a massive investment by the Flyers who should eventually stop giving out similar contracts. 

But the problem remains for NHL franchises…the market for players is such that 14-year deals are now as common as more modest five year investments.  Zach Parise and Ryan Suter both received large deals from the Minnesota Wild last month, and it sounds like every player now wants to be under contract until they reach 45.  While I rarely acknowledge the NBA’s structure as being better than hockey’s, the limit on the length of contracts in the NBA absolutely makes sense for both players and owners.  Players can achieve longer term stability while not becoming salary cap burdens (unless you’re Rashard Lewis) while owners and GMs are not crippled by 10+ year contracts.  Hopefully the lockout will address this.

Oh, and for the record, the Preds should match the offer sheet.  Weber will be the best defenseman in the league now that Nicklas Lidstrom has retired.  Pairing him with stud goalie Pekka Rinne and Nashville can build out from their goal, a huge luxury in today’s NHL.

Bit #5: July 21, 1989 – Tyson KO in 1:33

Haven’t done a sports history Bit in a while, but this one requires mention simply because the YouTube video says all you need to know about Mike Tyson in his prime (start at the 2:15 mark).  While he might be nuts now, Tyson was the hardest boxer to beat when he was on his game for a solid five years or so.  Watch any highlight clip of him from the late 80s or early 90s and Tyson looks like an animal with a seemingly limitless motor.  He could beat anyone and often did so in stunning fashion.  Carl Williams certainly felt that as well back then.

Too Many Bits

I’ve missed a lot over the weekend with other obligations so it’s about time to hold court on a variety of topics circling the sporting globe.  Of course, we will begin with the biggest story of them all.

Bit #1: NCAA Can Consider Only Death Penalty

I am on record saying the NCAA should not be involved in sanctioning Penn State’s football program.  The organization, which rarely does anything properly in my mind, regulates on-field competitive advantage, which is not a factor in this case.  Calls for NCAA involvement, however, continue to grow as journalists, coaches, and fans begin to fully appreciate the significance of the Freeh Report.

And it makes sense to want some sanctions…the Penn State cover-up will take a place alongside the O.J. Simpson murders as the most revolting, most heinous crime ever associated with the world of sports.  And for many that should not go unpunished.

But many of the same people shy away from the death penalty.  While NCAA President Mark Emmert waits on Penn State’s response to the Freeh Report, he hinted in a candid interview on PBS that he would consider exceptionally harsh sanctions.  If he believes he can do so, Emmert can only prescribe the death penalty for Penn State football.  The survivors of these attacks by Jerry Sandusky are worth much more than a few scholarships and even fourteen years’ worth of wins.  No sanction besides the death penalty makes sense unless Penn State is required to pay millions to the survivors and their families for emotional distress and other damages.  Unfortunately, it appears the NCAA cannot create that kind of a penalty, and if Penn State officials possess any intelligence they will do all they can to financially compensate the families who have suffered through the last 14 years and especially the last 8 months, even though lawsuits will undoubtedly force the University’s hand.

Emmert wants to make a stand, but half-hearted postseason bans will never look like enough.  Again, I am not supporting this logic, but if I’m in favor of the death penalty my reasoning is as follows: “USC received a two year postseason ban and lost a Heisman because Reggie Bush got a few cars and other amenities.  Penn State has done much, much worse, so they should lose not just the postseason but the regular season too.”

So, I beg the sports world to consider the two alternatives: these crimes are outside the NCAA purview and don’t merit sanctions or the death penalty.  If Mark Emmert and his minions decided they need to involve themselves, they can only come to the conclusion of the death penalty, since would any other penalty fit the crime?

Bit #2: An NBA story not dealing with Dwight Howard

The New York Knicks need to determine what to do with Jeremy Lin.  You all may remember Lin’s rise to international prominence in February of last season, sparking the Knicks to a great winning streak in which the undrafted Harvard graduate cast shades of Isiah Thomas and Steve Nash at the point guard position.

 

But he’s a restricted free agent this offseason, meaning any kind of conventional wisdom on how to sign him will be politely acknowledged by teams than thrown out the proverbial window.  The Houston Rockets, desperate for some kind of attention, offered Lin an offer sheet that would pay him $25 million over three years.  This guy made a single comma salary last year at $788,000.  The best part: Year 3 of the proposed deal would pay Lin almost $15 million.  So the Knicks need to figure out what they will do…if they match the Rockets offer they are forced to pay Lin and take the huge $15 million cap hit simultaneous with the increase in the NBA’s luxury tax, a mechanism designed to keep teams under the salary cap.

Generally speaking, the Knicks make terrible personnel decisions.  I expect them to pass on Lin, choosing instead to insert newly-acquired and two-years-overweight Raymond Felton as point guard.  Passing on Lin would make very little sense for the Knicks.  First, Felton provides an average ability on the floor and has not played well in Portland the last two seasons.  His previous years with the Knicks in Mike D’Antoni’s up-tempo system cast doubts on his ability to improve this team.  Also, consider the amount of hype created about the Knicks by Lin last year.  Worldwide recognition, greater revenue, and tons of profit considering Lin’s base salary make Jeremy Lin a good investment, especially for at least one year.  Given his acclaim and the recent trade of Joe Johnson’s mega contract, the Knicks could find suitors for him.  Take a chance and deal him if it doesn’t work out.

Bit #3: Not exactly Dream Team II

Occasionally, it’s fun to know Kobe Bryant opens his mouth too much.  For a team that, according to Bryant, could beat the 1992 Dream Team in its prime, the US Men’s Olympic Basketball team did not impress on Monday night.  Brazil obviously doesn’t slouch in international competition, but for the American players to be down by 10 at the end of the first quarter says this team needs a little more time.  Coach K packed the roster with All-Stars, many of whom will be Hall of Famers, not unlike the original Dream Team in Barcelona, but there truthfully is no comparison.

While LeBron and Kobe represent the dynamic of MJ and Magic on the 1992 Dream Team, the roster noticeably thins from there.  Christian Laettner and Anthony Davis cancel out as the amateurs on the team, only two other guys from the original 1992 team would be on the chopping block in favor of 2012 entrants.  Chris Mullin, at the time a very reliable inside defender and scorer, could be replaced with Kevin Love, the beast playing for Minnesota right now.   From there, I would support switching John Stockton for Russell Westbrook at point guard or the beat-down Larry Bird for any of the offensive 2012 players, but Bird definitely needed to be on the 1992 team.  All the other players had competed directly for championships by 1992.  The 2012 version has Andre Iguodala and Deron Williams on the roster, decent players who have never realistically sniffed a championship.

Forget the “occasionally” in the first sentence of this Bit.  It’s always fun to call out Kobe.

Bit #4: The Open Championship

The Open Championship begins on Thursday.  This is my favorite tournament of the year, mainly because the style of golf looks so different from that on the normal PGA Tour circuit.  Links golf rarely uses trees, preferring instead to house ticks in the long grasses lining most fairways.  In addition, links courses often utilize deep bunkers to severely challenge players to hit it high and straight.  Even then, however, the high winds and rain often seen in the UK, the primary birthplace of links golf, make hitting the ball high with any accuracy next to impossible.  Expect lots of low shots intended to cut through the wind and run up to the green rather than the high draws and fades you might see at a U.S. Open.

The question this week centers around Tiger, seemingly the only golfer playing at all in every tournament.  He has won three times this year on Tour, the most of any professional, meaning he has some momentum leading into the third major of the year.  And I trust his game, as he’s done well in recent wins to establish his shorter irons, the main impediment to a U.S. Open win last year.  He has also decided to play smart, refusing to take too many risks and remaining surgical, which when combined with his skill makes him formidable.

That said, I’m taking the field here.  While Americans have played well at The Open in the past few years, it’s hard not to like one of the many European players out there now.  Maybe Rory will return to top form, but ultimately I see a few Brits in contention this week.  And Tiger likely will be in contention as well, but given the desertion of his precision at Olympic last month in the U.S. Open I am not convinced he will be mentally his former self this week.

Bit #5: Surprises on 50 Highest Earning Athletes list

SI released its annual list of the 50 highest earning American athletes yesterday, and there are some big surprises on the list that I wanted to highlight.  The totals include not just salary but also endorsements.

First, right at the top we see a listing the caught me by surprise: Phil Mickelson made more money last year than Tiger Woods.  Lefty’s $60.7 million outlasted Tiger’s $56.4 million for the No. 2 ranking, but these numbers show some of the depths to which Tiger fell after his scandal.  Losing the endorsements of companies like Gillete clearly hurt Woods, who finds himself $2.5 million behind Phil for endorsements.  Given the difference in their play over the last three years and Tiger’s resurgence recently, I’d say he’s done pretty well in rough times.  Sure, one endorsement might be a Japanese pain rub, but I don’t think he much cares.

A second surprise is the second highest paid player in baseball last year by salary.  I immediately thought it would have been Albert Pujols given his numbers, or maybe a Ryan Braun in Milwaukee.  Nope, it’s Vernon Wells of the Los Angeles Angels, still using the monster contract given to him by the Toronto Blue Jays.  Wells made just over $24 million, after hitting .218 in the 2011 season, a truly pathetic number for such an investment by his team.  What a lot of money for a guy who last hit over 100 RBI in 2006, but that’s part and parcel of baseball.  Huge contracts that often do not pan out.  Still, I was shocked he made that much money this past year.

Lastly, I have to wonder how the Arizona Cardinals feel about this list.  Quarterback Kevin Kolb and defensive end Calais Campbell both jumped into the top 50 last year due to large bonuses.  For Kolb, easily the most financially overrated player in football, his $7 million roster bonus that ended Arizona’s chances of landing Peyton Manning vaulted his numbers up.  For Campbell, who I confess I had never heard of, he’ll be making $2 million in base salary but received a gargantuan $15 million signing bonus.  While Arizona came on strong last year, I have to wonder if their internal decision making might be flawed.  Campbell might actually be worth the money, recording 8 sacks last season, but Kolb has been an awful gamble by the Cardinals front office.  His season this year will decide his fate.

Peruse the list for further surprises, but the fact that Rashard Lewis earned just over $17 million at any point in his life and made this list should sicken any NBA fan.

Bit #6: Franchise deals being done

It says a lot for a team to come to term with its franchise player.  The Saints, Ravens, and Bears all did that by the Monday deadline with their designated franchise players, who now will play under long-term deals instead of the one year contract.  Drew Brees, Ray Rice, and Matt Forte could each singlehandedly carry their respective clubs deep into the playoffs.  I’m especially proud of Bears GM Jerry Angelo, who proved his stupidity last year by seeing Caleb Hanie as the backup quarterback on his depth chart, a colossal mistake that would doom any NFL franchise past or present.

But, Rice and Forte represent the cream of the crop in the NFL for smaller running backs with a great blend of quickness and power.  Brees, as I’ve said all along, could be the best quarterback in the league right now, so his contract was too late in coming.  Can’t wait for the season.

Bit #7: Barcelona signs a 9-year old

I don’t want to say any more, other than to point out this makes sense in European soccer.  The powerhouse clubs have the ability to sign kids at this age.  While U.S. soccer phenoms go to camps similar to one run by Barcelona, very few have their rights bought by clubs so young.  Truly amazing.

When "Humane" Means "Wrong": The Penn State Saga

At 9 AM on Thursday morning, former FBI Director and federal judge Louis Freeh released his report following an 8-month investigation into the happenings at Penn State surrounding the Jerry Sandusky child abuse trial.  Specifically, Freeh’s report concerns itself with the responses of University officials in the early 2000s to allegations of Sandusky’s transgressions. 

The Freeh Report, at 267 pages, condemns Penn State officials in very explicit terms.  Freeh’s team found those at the highest University to ranks failing to aggressively address Sandusky “in order to avoid the consequences of bad publicity.”  That thesis, excellent for encapsulating the core findings, does not do justice to the scurrilous details contained in the report.  A particularly uncomfortable episode describes a shower Sandusky took with a young boy, details and all. 

But the responses of former football coach Joe Paterno, University president Graham Spanier, athletic director Tim Curley, and Vice President Gary Schultz are condemned by Freeh, and rightly so.  Those four mean knew about Sandusky’s incidents as early as 1998, but did not report him then.  In 2001, after Mike McQueary saw Sandusky sexually abusing a young boy in a shower, the confederacy of dunces agreed they would tell the leadership of the Second Mile (Sandusky’s charity), inform the Department of Public Welfare, and prevent Sandusky from bringing young men into University buildings.  That plan was found on handwritten notes after a February 25, 2001 meeting.  A follow-up email the next day confirmed that.

Then the shoe really falls in the Freeh Report.

As it reads, “On February 27, 2001, however, after discussing the matter with Paterno (italics added) the day before, Curley recommended a different course of action to Spanier and Schultz: they would offer Sandusky ‘professional help;’ assist him in informing ‘his organization’ (the Second Mile) about the allegation; and, if Sandusky was ‘cooperative,’ not inform the Department of Public Welfare about the allegation.”

Most Nittany Lions fans read this and cringe…and they should.  While the excerpt above says nothing about the revised plan being Paterno’s idea, associating his name will tarnish his legacy as a person (note: not as a football coach, but more on that in a moment).  At certain points, people must act to stop wrongdoings.  They must put aside thoughts of publicity, prestige, or greed and help those who cannot help themselves.  That the police were not informed by McQueary or the officials already raises questions about their motivations in dealing with Sandusky, but to not inform any authoritarian body moves their actions firmly into immorality.

Some will disagree with that, pointing out we cannot judge someone until we’ve stood in their shoes.  No disagreement from me here, but for particularly heinous crimes, especially directed toward those who are too young to understand such actions, we must do everything to eliminate those crimes from society.  The email correspondence of these men acknowledges on their part that they covered up crimes.  Spanier, the president of the major state university in Pennsylvania, said in an email to Curley, “the only downside for us is if the message isn’t ‘heard’ and acted upon, and we then become vulnerable for not having reported it.  But that can be assessed down the road.  The approach you outline is humane and a reasonable way to proceed.”

I fail to see what about their approach can qualify as “humane.”  Willfully covering up the abuse of children, especially in the interest of publicity, deserves intense criticism and condemnation.  As Buster Olney on ESPN pointed out Thursday morning, “it doesn’t matter if it’s the janitor, the English teacher, the football coach, or the president: people in that position need to act for those who are unable to act for themselves.”  Needless to say, Penn State has lots of internal policies and controls they need to review because while this happened in the athletic program, some details point to a pervasive deprecation of morals throughout the University.

That might be a stretch, however, since football brings so much money to Penn State that any hint of impropriety could mean a big loss for the institution…man I sure bet they wish they had disclosed it all then.  The NCAA looks poised to wreck havoc to the program, potentially decimating the talent pool for a few years.

And that’s where the NCAA should understand its role.  While the transgressions at Penn State are saddening, frustrating, and downright awful, the on-the-filed product was not affected.  Penn State did not receive a competitive advantage as a result of the cover-up.  Recruits were not improperly recruited, players did not receive cars or other improper benefits…the only relation to the NCAA in all this is that the athletic department involved itself.  Any penalties at this point would punish those not at the school.  Joe Paterno died shortly after losing his job as head coach, Spanier was fired by the state, and Schultz and Curley are on administrative leave with litigation certainly soon to come against them.  For cases like this, public opinion has done enough to Penn State’s image, and NCAA sanctions might add headlines but won’t solve any issues.  Lawsuits from the families of survivors are no doubt in transit to a courtroom as we speak.

Penn State officials acted wrongly and immorally.  The Freeh Report confirms that assertion and damns those men to tarnished legacies, unemployment, and possibly periods in jail.  For Joe Paterno, long the rock upon which Penn State built its athletic pedigree, his name looks forever lessened by these episodes.  Should he have wins vacated or should the program lose scholarships next year?  No.  The transgressions in State College were of a moral nature, abrogating a code much higher than the NCAA Rulebook.  They deserve the backlash for refusing to put the interests of innocent children above their misguided perceptions of “bad publicity.”

Bit #1: All the boring sporting events this week

This week has been fairly boring for actually watching sports.  I’d go far enough to say it’s been boring since the NBA Draft.

Sure, the All-Star Game garners serious attention from the media, but honestly do you think players treat it as more than an exhibition game?  We’re ten years into that experiment and All-Star teams are still bloated with guys who don’t deserve to be there (thank you, fan voting) while the 15 best players for each league often don’t start the game!  It’s ludicrous…Tony La Russa made a pitching change in the bottom of the 9^th while up 8-0.  This isn’t a game, it’s a spectacle, a way to show off players to fans watching on TV and otherwise.  Home field advantage in October or not, the amount of attention paid to the Midsummer’s Classic astounds me.  I give credit to media outlets for coming up with so much to discuss, because none of that stats affect the players for the season.  It’s a way to recap first half storylines, but is also filled with fluffy stories about Bryce Harper’s devotion to the Food Network and R.A. Dickey’s resurgence, stories we’ve all heard before.  It’s a great tradition…but if MLB wants the game to mean something it needs to change a lot.

Secondly, who cares about the Summer X Games?  These machine Olympics come on every year and, short of the Big Air Skateboard competition, remain fairly pedestrian.  At what point did we collectively start thinking of double motorcycle backflips as a sporting event?  Or even the halfpipe?  I don’t doubt the coordination and strength required to perform those events but golf also requires coordination and every year five people tell me how golf is a hobby not a sport.  At least golf has an arena and set boundaries for its playing surface, whereas you can skateboard anywhere (kinda like you can make model airplanes anywhere too).   And yet ESPN devotes their primetime space to the X Games for a whole week…a mindless experience in which the motorcycle races are the most suspenseful thing going.

I’m ready for football season.

Bit #2: Dwight-mare and NBA Free Agency

Dwight Howard’s annoying saga continues, with rumored deals to the Nets and Lakers all dying this week for the Magic superstar.  And, truthfully, I’m not surprised.  The Nets would have been unable to give the Magic any player of real value based on the proposed deal we all heard about, and the Lakers are quickly running out of tradeable pieces after Pau Gasol.  For the Magic, it’s time to play hardball and ask Dwight to open up his trade list so they can find a better deal for themselves.

NBA free agency has not disappointed either.  The sign-and-trade deal giving the Lakers a great point guard in Steve Nash makes me hopeful for an exciting season, with powers in Miami and LA.  The pick-and-roll with Andrew Bynum that Nash ran so effectively in Phoenix proves to be very exciting and no less efficient at Staples Center.  The Hawks unloading Joe Johnson shows they’re ready to land some big names before the luxury tax skyrockets in two years, and the Nets can create some buzz as a new team in Brooklyn.

My two oops moments of this free agency period deal with restricted free agents.  First, the Portland Trail Blazers offered Pacers center Roy Hibbert a four year deal with max money.  If you’re a Blazers fan, you know this is nothing new.  The Blazers have played center roulette for the better part of 30 years and have lost almost every time.  Sam Bowie, Greg Oden, etc. are all cases where Portland has made serious miscalculations or suffered bad luck at the position.  As good as Hibbert might be, he was never worth that kind of money, and the Pacers look to match the offer sheet anyway.

And why does Bryan Colangelo still have a job as GM of the Toronot Raptors.  In an attempt to lure Canadian Steve Nash back home and away from the Knick, Colangelo offered a three year, $20 million offer sheet to Landry Fields, a guy who had a crazy sophomore slump in which he was outplayed at every position.  For almost $7 million, Colangelo tried to force the Knicks to match the offer sheet, eliminating their ability to go after Steve Nash.  That’s Tom Clancy intrigue right there except Fields is nowhere worth that kind of money.  The northern latitudes clearly did not show up in free agency this year.

Bit #3: ESPYs

The ESPY awards aired on Wednesday night, and I’m still confused how athletes come out to this event.  Fans vote on awards for Best Play, Best Celebration, and other mind numbingly boring topics that remind me of the MTV Movie Award for Best Kiss.  Certainly, some sports figures are recognized for outstanding bravery in the face of adversity, like Pat Summitt and Eric LeGrand, but what makes Juwan Howard and Mike Miller come to the ESPYs, besides seeing Jessica Biel in a dress?

It must be the goodie bags.  The ESPYs are usually poorly hosted and fare even worse in ratings numbers.  They also come at a time when all the major sports are in a lull, when nothing can hold the mind of most hardcore sports fans.  Some of the awards given are bogus and totally at the behest of fan voters.  Also, while athletes go out and perform their job, a celebration is so impulsive and “in the moment” that giving an award for Best Celebration resembles a medal for best sigh.

It’s fun to watch athletes and celebrities come together I suppose, but what a boring night.

Bit #4: NFL Preview is coming

That’s right…I’ve been waiting for NFL season for a while and this blog will certainly see tons of use during that time.  I’ll be providing a divisional preview very soon for the junkies out there, and plan on devoting significant word counts to the Redskins.  Less than two months away!

A Night at Fenway

Last week, Fenway Park was added to the Boston ranks of Historical Sites, a list that includes landmarks like the golden-domed halls of Beacon Hill and the Old North Church where Paul Revere hang the lanterns.  I visited Fenway Park on Sunday night for the first time, an experience I never will forget, but also felt compelled to share with you all.  As fans in the 21^st century, we see so much of the action through television that we lose the sense of atmosphere and electricity surrounding many sporting events.  It’s tough to feel the excitement of one baseball game on TV.  There are, after all, 161 others just like them in a given season.  But, every once in a while, a ballpark draws so many spectators that every pitch matters, every timeout, every lineup change…it all counts as life or death for fans.  Fenway Park is one of those.

The following is a running commentary I wrote to myself between my two trips off Yawkey Street.

7:00 PM – We arrive on Yawkey Street, the main thoroughfare running right outside Fenway Park.  My mom and two family friends accompany me, but I’m already walking in a haze.  The hated Yankees are in town, and the fans have come out in force.  Unlike games in DC, only Sox colors show on these folks, with pinstripes dotting the mass of humanity gatherine outside the gates.  As we walk toward what we think represents the entry point, I notice the outrageous accents of the program sellers, the ticket agents, and the security details.  What I mistake for homeless folks are actually Sox fans, straight off their weekend blue-collar jobs to see the Bombers in town, hot dogs and sodas in hand.  I hear vowels only known to New Englanders all around.  Beer spills, but we should appreciate these fans: their team 8 games out, and still they’re here. (I knew at this point no Nationals game would ever prepare me for Fenway).

7:05 – We get through the gates, and immediately feel cramped.  In most modern parks, the tunnels are relatively open and airy, reaching high above you to facilitate ventilation and crowd control.  Not so here.  The ramps are narrow, the food stalls push out into the walking area, and the ceiling feels like an oppressive hammer ready to stick you to the floor.  The walls look to be on their 300^th coat of paint, and people shove, push, and cajole to find their way through the crowd.

And yet, through all this…I see history.  Murals of Williams and Yaz on the sides, logos everywhere, pictures of history as you always hear about it.

7:07 – We are very, very lost.  We started near the Green Monster and have ended up back at the Green Monster.  Fenway does not believe in Sections, preferring to tell you which Field Box you’re sitting in.  If you’re not in the Field Box, you’re in the Grandstand, which relies on a completely separate numbering system.  One backdrop to Fenway being a Historical Site: nothing can be changed.  A rational, modern numbering system cannot be adopted ever.  We walk through 7 entrances until we find Right Field Box 93.

The workers here, just slabs of meat wearing team gear at most ballparks, take you to your seat if you’re in the Box.  Holding a towel aloft, they jog up the steps and wipe your seats down.  Our designated guy made like nice, then barely looked at us when we sat down, despite numerous thank you’s.  More on that later…

7:10 – I take a look at the park for the first time…truly amazing.  I’m immediately struck by the unique dimensions of the park.  Right field at 380 feet represents the furthest labeled distance.  Looking closer, there’s way more space between the right field wall and the foul pole than TV ever shows.  What looks to be 10 feet on FOX actually spans 25 feet up close.  Even weirder, the angle in right field makes no sense, as the field bends out after the foul pole, creating a weird image of the right field foul pole standing 25 feet before the right field stands.

Center field looks even crazier.  One terrace of seats in right field narrows in right center all the way down to two seats in straight away center field.  From my vantage point, the teardrop of space between the bullpen and the center field wall looks large, but the garage doors so prevalent on TV look to be in left field, not center.

Lastly, the Green Monster, an absolute behemoth of a structure that creates a feel one would get at Number 17 on TPC Sawgrass (look it up): “Looks like they planned poorly but what a genius use of space.”  I shudder to think about the cost of seats atop the Monster.

7:30 – First Fenway Frank…mediocre hot dog but couldn’t ask for a better souvenir cup.

7:45 – Wow what an old park.  The emergency plan is announced and illustrated on the Jumbotron…and it’s the most confusing thing I’ve heard in a while.  If you’re in the red seats like us, just walk out the tunnel.  But the blue seats must get up, turn around, and make their way across a few sections to exits in the back.  I forget the upper deck instructions since I had to contemplate the blue seat exits, but this is why ballparks really should just instruct people to get themselves out somehow.

And they announce the Red Sox Code of Conduct, one of which is “keep cell phone conversations private.”  I love this idea, since there’s nothing worse than the foreigner sitting two rows ahead who’s trying to tell his wife where he parked the car at the airport.  Seriously, man, either take a cab or get her to drive you there without wasting our brainwaves while you tell her where she can find her toothbrush in the car.

7:50 – After tons of build-up, a children’s chorus give a truly horrendous rendition of the National Anthem, but they’re supposedly cute so everyone claps.

I just thought too: imagine how many bad Anthems pro athletes must stand through.  If this was the Anthem for a Yankees-Red Sox game, imagine a Royals-Padres game?  Puts into perspective why so few of them sing it out loud.

8:05 – Finally, we begin.  I will switch to inning designations.

Top 1^st – Derek Jeter comes to bat and I feel the hatred around me.  I get the very real sense that at least 5 people in the audience may have plotted at one point to kill this man.  That’s how prevalent their jeering and hate comes through.  Yanks put two on the board.

Bottom 1^st – A beautiful sunset over the 3^rd base line makes a picturesque night that much more special.  With temperatures in the high 70s and a fiery sky, I can’t get much better for a game.

My iPhone just auto-corrected “jeter” to “heterosexual”….I’m still trying to figure out if my phone might be a female phone or if there’s some relation between those terms.  Boston fans would likely aver there’s no correlation.

Jeter just dropped a long fly ball in the infield, allowing a Boston run.  Just like that, the hollering begins as everyone laughs out loud.  I’m amazed how many Yankees fans are here…there are tons of them.  Still, inning ends at 2-1.

(Editor’s note: I have no idea what happened in the 2^nd inning, but there’s no commentary on my phone.)

Bottom 3^rd – Jeter can’t field a ground ball hit by speedster Ciriaco.  Boston again insults his mother collectively through laughter and hysterics, but the official scorer rules the play a hit.  Very generous, especially considering Jeter beats the runner on that play 9.5 times outta 10.

Oritz singles off the Monster (yes, he hit it to right field!)…I can’t tell if I like the Monster from a baseball perspective.  It adds so much intrigue to the game but robs players of extra base hits with seemingly no reward.  Then again, in this case, it might be because Ortiz needs a golf cart to move between the bases quickly.

Top 4^th – I realize that another romantic yet pragmatically annoying aspect of Fenway are the narrow aisles between sections.  Sure the game might be packed, but this might be the most traffic I’ve ever seen between innings.  One wider person could hold up the entire line on one of those aisles.  We miss the first two pitches of each inning due to folks standing in the aisles with nowhere to go.  Again, not a ballpark meant for a century, but thank goodness we have it.

This game really is dragging by…Lester has thrown 62 pitches through three innings.  Nova has thrown 72!  And still no visit from the pitching coaches or movement in the bullpen…we might be here a while.

ALRIGHT!  One goal of Fenway achieved: I yelled “Nick Swisher can’t read” as he lollygagged stupidly in right field…only to have my thunder stolen by a responding Red Sox who yelled “he’s from West Virginia, that’s why!” to much laughter.  Just proves you can’t fool a smart fan base folks…Swisher grew up in West Virginia and, according to several well-known Boston sources, his literacy remains in question.

First “Yankees suck” chant.

Bottom 4^th – I realize just how decimated the Sox lineup is…they strike out for the fourth straight time against Nova, who clearly doesn’t have his best stuff tonight.  Mauro Gomez, the third baseman, scratches the head of the guy next to me, who keeps asking his 12-year-old son “who the hell is THAT?”  And it’s true: Ellsbury, Crawford, Pedoria, and Middlebrooks all reside on the DL, with Ellsbury and Crawford out the longest.  Have to wonder if these guys can hold it together the second half of the season.

Top 5^th – Finally movement in both bullpens.  There have been over 150 pitches thrown at this point, and my interest (as you can tell from the dearth of score updates) shifts from the game to my surroundings.  My mother gives voice to these thoughts as she admits she’s been people watching for the past inning.

The Sox right fielder plays the Monster perfectly, holding Jeter to a single.  Another hometown play we take for granted on TV.  A-Rod, another subject of fan ire, hits a deep ball to center where Ryan Sweeney goes down in a heap.  Yankees clearly in control.

WAIT…a visit by the pitching coach!?  To John Lester?  I hope he’s enjoyed the cleansing nighttime air…the dude makes his first trip at pitch number 99 in the FIFTH.  Certainly took his time getting off his butt.  Lester struggling to get outs and keep anybody in the park awake at this point.  He’s gone after pitch 101 with a thoroughly pedestrian effort.

Someone needs to tell the bleachers The Wave rarely works and doesn’t require five innings’ worth of effort…and then it circles Fenway three times.  If a Nats fan has ever seen that in DC, please make yourself known.

Bottom 5^th -  The girl behind me has lost interest to the point where she’s guessing nationalities…and seems to think a dude with the first name of Pedro (Ciriaco) “must be Arabic.”

They just showed a guy proposing to his girlfriend on the Jumbotron…her hands rush to her mouth and she touches the ring before nodding (weakly, I might add).  I think proposing at a ballpark might be the stupidest idea in the world.  Very few things are romantic in life, but proposing falls firmly in that category.  And does romance do well with 30,000+ other people watching?  Shake your head knowingly and find some better spot when pulling that trigger.

Top 6^th – Jeter’s at-bat fights off tons of pitches before a single…major league at-bat I say.

Also, the dueling chants now come out “Let’s go Red Kees” which means there are far too many Yankees fans here for my liking.

Bottom 6^th – Ivan Nova hits 100 pitches total after inducing what feels like the 200^th Sox batter to chase a pitch in the dirt.  Seriously, they are not playing well.

Top 7^th – The bleachers are at it again, distracting my attention from my surroundings to watch their pitiful attempt to re-create The Wave.

Andruw Jones of New York just hit a home run to the seats on top of the Monster…what a sight that is.  I almost enjoy watching it, except for the banshee-like baying of happy Yankee fans.

Chris Stewart, New York’s catcher, comes up to bat.  I realize his picture on the Jumbotron shows him wearing a hat at least three sizes too big.  The brim almost extends all the way to his ears.  What a goober, but then again New York thrives on goober athletes (for further clarification, see any picture of Eli Manning).

Bottom 7^th – Cody Eppley joins the fun as the Yankees pitcher, and throws 5 straight balls.  His first strike, a foul ball, ends up near Swisher who tosses it into the upper deck rather than to my area.  The girl in front of me, in a heated rage, yells “That’s okay I don’t want your balls anyway!”

She stops looks around, and sees her own father grinning while her mother tries to wipe the same grin off her face…might be the best fan moment of the night.

Ciriaco comes up…he now might be Bedouin according to the anthropologist behind me.

Eppley mercifully sits down after 6 strikes on 16 pitches…we hit the three hour mark.

Top 8^th – The crowd begins to thin, but there are still more fans here than the spectators at an average Nats game.  Sweet Caroline comes on the speakers, a Fenway tradition.

Bottom 8^th – Bottom 9^th: Aviles doubles off the Monster and the Red Sox somehow put two mean on in the 9^th.  Rafael Soriano, the Yankees closer, looks shaky and at 7-3 a hit by David Ortiz could send folks scurrying back to their seats.

Only he strikes out and Fenway breathes a sigh of relief as Ortiz lives up to expectations (seriously, three people around me said “I bet he strikes out).

Final groundout by Saltalamacchia and we are put out of our misery.  Even Soriano felt the drear, needing 30 pitches to get through the inning.

At the end, we jump into a Boston cab for the drive back to Revere and the airport.  The game brought bile to my lips, but Fenway Park continues to be in my thoughts this week.  It’s not the best ballpark nor the most presentable, but there’s serious character in the building, from the fans to the seats.  Those walls have seen so many great players and plays that Fenway deserves its place in the pantheon of sporting venues.  The game might have sickened most in attendance, but to see a new chapter in arguably the best rivalry in sports certainly made the experience that much better.